Protected: AAAAAAAAAHHHH (just me making potentially life-changing decisions, nothing too serious.. really!)

Pre-doctor angst

You know when someone asks: “Do you like _____?”. And you don’t, but they’re scrutinising every twitch in your face to figure out whether you’re telling the truth? They’re skeptical and desperate for a slither of gossip. You have to convince them. You need them to believe you because OMG EW NO, but the more insistent you are about The Truth just convinces them otherwise and OH NOOO THIS WAS NOT INTENDED. DON’T TRY TO HOOK ME UP WITH THEM OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Plus I blush really easily.

Going to the doctor for a medical certificate feels the same way. Every. Single. Time.

No wait. I’ve only had to do that once before. Still, every time I’ve had to visit my doctor over the past year to say that my meds weren’t working felt the same way too, like she was going to growl at me for exaggerating how I felt or not trying hard enough. After the Worst Thing Ever (ie, the missed Juris exam of 2010), I didn’t go to the doctor for a myriad of reasons, but reason #1 was not being believed. No one wants their problems dismissed and I didn’t want to be told that yes, I could have fronted up to that exam if I wasn’t such a whiner. D: I later found that I’d underestimated her (also she is awesome and I love her). My exam transcript has a great big FAIL on it now and my chances of doing Law with Honours is probably ruined because I was a huge wuss.

…Not that I want to do Law with Honours – even an ordinary research essay slays me and I’ve yet to do one – but having the option would have been nice.

And the thing is – I’m honest. I’m overflowing with integrity and my school reports always said I was “conscientious” (so it must be true!). I’m such a goody-good I thought I was going to be Hufflepuff. Somewhat embarrassingly, this is something that I really like about myself; I don’t like to manipulate or fuck around with people and I have no respect for people who do. I am a self-righteous twat.

Now a random doctor’s going to judge how honest he thinks I am. This guy doesn’t know me. He’s a doctor at Student Health. He gets people coming in all the time whinging for a medical certificate and he probably bats them away because uni students have made him cynical. The standard is high. I kept rolling this over in my head before the assignment was due. Can you imagine the sort of crisis I’m going to have if this doctor decides that I’m just this great big faker who couldn’t be bothered doing her assignment? Not just because it’ll ruin my grade, but my self image, maaan. The more I try to convince him of my honesty, the less convinced he’ll be! Doooooooomed!

*sobs*