I’m also hungry for plastic.

I want to eat this keychain.

I want to eat this soap.

I want to eat this hat.

These apparently aren’t real cupcakes, but I am not convinced and I want to eat them anyway just to be sure.

(QUALITY BLOGGING.)

Exclusive revelation on Rachel Bilson!

Rachel Bilson is old. As in, she’s so old she was born in 1981. How does someone born in that era (which was FOREVER ago) manage to look so adorable?

Here are some other people who were born in 1981. Except they’re not even real people. Like Rachel Bilson, sweet little pixie that she is, they are fabulous celebrities with access to the fountain of youth and miscellaneous other products L’Oreal isn’t gonna sell to us, the masses. Or maybe they would, except they’d charge like, $1000 for a free sample.

Yeah you heard me. But anyway: Justin Timberlake, Jamelia, Elijah Wood, Paris Hilton, Jennifer Hudson, Serena Williams, Britney Spears…

As extravagant as their beauty regimes are likely to be, are these 27 year olds cute? Do they look like they could be mistaken for a 20 year old? Nay! Glamourous celebrities that they are, Rachel Bilson pwns them all, and I’m pretty gutted. Even a little outraged. I forget why, because suddenly I’m convinced makeup companies are holding out on me (dammit, I want eternal youth!). Still, I have such a girl-crush on her, and now the woman is eight years older than me. There is no hope for us.

…I may secretly be an Apple fan

Since I think hating trendy things makes me cool, this worries me. I have four scandalous reasons.

1. I have an iPod. Sometimes I like to think of going back in time, and talking to my past self… but definitely I would not like to bring up the iPod in a conversation. “WHY ARE YOU SUCH A SELL-OUT?” the past me would demand. It had lots of space, okay?! ;_;
2. Secretly, I like Safari. That’s a damn sexy browser. I hate what it does to text though – why the fuzz? I’d be too full of self-loathing to ever use it on the internet, but when I test layouts, I open Safari up and think nothing but “Ahh that’s a nice browser.” It’s all sleek and puurrrdy.
3. And that infamous MacBook Air? While I still think that anyone who buys one is indisputably a moron… I get this feeling like that guy behind Apple is just a fraction ahead of their time. Not having an optical drive today is such madness that this is kinda like Sparta. But one day, our laptops won’t have them, and they’ll all be really skinny like that. You’ll see. But why am I so forgiving? Nooo~!
4. And I don’t care if you’re fiercely loyal to Microsoft or not, you have to admit those braeburns are pretty tasty. Mmm.

Attention all Med students

I am a totally awesome Law student on the search for a husband. What do you mean I’m only nineteen? You can never start too early.

If you are selected by myself, you can be a paediatrician. Earning an average of $125,500 a year and working ~41 hours a week, it’ll be happy days. That is, only if I like you.

If not, you can be a surgeon, earning around $125,900. You’ll also be working 47 hours, thus sparing me an extra six hours a week without you. During this time I’ll probably have several affairs with my sexy lawyer colleagues. Hey – business suits do something for me that lab coats can’t….

What about that extra $400 you’ll be earning as a surgeon, and not as a paediatrician? I’ll let you keep that to make up for the affairs. You possibly won’t find out about them, but at any rate something has to make up for the feelings of emptiness and a failing marriage.

You could buy a new iPod with that money, after all.

But yes, you do still want to marry me. Let’s bear in mind that I would be exceptional wife-material, as any potential children will surely carry my genes and hence be super-cute with curly blonde hair. And dimples!

Celebrities I’d do away with

Because some celebrities shouldn’t be famous at all. And sometimes I like ponder how the world would be if I decided what should be popular.

• Miley Cyrus. Props to Disney bringing Hannah Montana to the real world for the teenyboppers, but I see her becoming the next Britney Spears. It’s really sad, so I would expel her from celebrity-dom from trying to help her.
• Zac Efron. His eyes are so creepy they remind me of the blank way dead animals stare at you. I keep expecting flies to walk over them.
• Pat Robinson. He’s only this popular because he’s in Twilight. Otherwise he wouldn’t have so many fans. Or any. He’s not hot.
• Daniel Radcliffe. Waaay too in love with himself. I want to meet him, and then laugh at him until his self-esteem crumbles. Ew ew ew.
• Miranda Kerr. She’s Orlando Bloom’s latest girlfriend and I’m jealous. ;_;

Those people I don’t want them on my E! news.

Ones that can stay (so you know i’m not all-hating)

• Paris Hilton. That’s right, you heard me. She’s hilarious. Not in an unintentional way, either.
• Holly Madison. And anyone who claimed she was only with Hef to help her own career along is totally blind. She’s a honey. Also Hugh Hefner is the shiz. ♥
• Chris Brown. We were born on the exact same day, w00t. Therefore we are twins (though in no way identical, baha) and I’ll cheer him on forever.