When I was 5 I asked my mum what the first thing she’d buy if our house burnt down (“I WILL BUY YOU TOYS“), and then bragged to people in my class about it, cos everyone else was saying their mum would buy clothes. HAH their parents sucked. It’s only recently that I realised that she was probably lying.
The Burning House is on a related topic: what stuff would you rescue if your house was on fire? The most important things to me ever are all on my computer/online. My whiny journal, photos, this crappy blog… almost everything I have ever written, yes. I am an egotistic twat. Most of everything else I can buy again. The chocolate beside me would melt amidst the flames, but I’m sure no one at the supermarket would be surprised if I bought more. It’d kinda be a bummer I never got to sell on all my uni textbooks, but never mind. And I can always buy more hats for me to secretly wear by myself.
As for everything else, it starts with the obvious things: my laptop, loxamine (I’m guessing if you’re dealing with the drama of a charred house you don’t want to risk missing a dose of your anti-crazy meds) and wallet. If I had enough time I’d clamber around fetching things of sentimental value, such as:
- Two notebooks. One is an odd journal from last year (I wanted to see how I liked it, as it’d give me an excuse to buy lots of stationery). The other I use as a daily to-do diary which has miscellaneous lists, planning, etc!
- Scruffy Pagan books. Nyaww.
- Owl necklace. I’m cheating and using another owl necklace (promise I’m not a hipster), because most of my jewellery is still in Dunedin.
- Box of Sentimentality, which is full of notes and letters and pictures that I’ve collected over the years. Not pictured because its contents are currently scattered all over the place… I’m lucky my house isn’t on fire right now, yes.
“….I could risk running back inside, right? Right?”
- Favourite shoes. Soooo impractical.
- Cambridge Co Satchel. I haven’t even worn it outside yet, I just like to quietly stroke it.
- Nail polish. I spend an eternity looking for the perfect colour that I’ve imagined in my head, I’m not enduring that all over again!
- Asian ball-jointed doll. If you knew how much they cost you’d understand. Not pictured, because I’m still embarrassed of my new hobby even though my mum has forbidden me from feeling ashamed. It’s cute though.
If I was in my Homeland I’d of course have to fetch the bitey cat, although I’d probably burn to death racing around the house trying to find her, only to see her trotting outside with a box of matches in her mouth. Oh my god, cat, if you wanted to move back to our old house so badly you could just said so. HOW DID I RAISE AN ARSONIST CAT.
P.S. If you’re a commenting-inclined sort of person, please feel free to share what you’d save! It’s good to be prepared for the day that a cat chucks a molotov cocktail through your window (don’t think about opposable thumbs, just go with it).
…The title is such a joke.
I make brownies. A lot. It makes me feel accomplished and gives Mum a reason to feel proud of me. During one of these baking sessions I was feeling particularly courageous and thought, “Oh. My. God. I should add chocolate chips” and my life changed forever.
Alas, chocolate chips may make the mix look exciting, but when cooked it does little more than make brownies slightly crunchier and I’m a cakey-brownie sort of person. And really, chocolate chips? Amateur. Where was the ambition?? I wanted lush, decadent brownies and I was too lazy to try a new recipe. It also should be noted that the first time I made these brownies they ended up tasting like dirt, so adding random things to a safe recipe is the closest I’ll ever come to being a baking goddess. With this is mind, I therefore dedicated myself to chocolatey brownie science (CUE LIGHTNING FLASH).
You know how sometimes bloggers share their recipes? You’re soon going to realise why it’s good that I’m not one of those. ADD AAAALL THE THINGS!!
Marshmallows
AVOID. AVOID. They floated to the surface and burned before the rest of the mix cooked. Such a gooey brownie mix makes you feel naughty because heehee eating the batter is so bad (it’s the closest I’ll ever get to being a rebel), and then then subtle taste of charred marshmallows makes you think, mmmmm Girl Guides. Not that you eat Girl Guides, but it makes you reminisce about that time you were one, with all the camping and smores.
It was still a total disappointment and tears were shed, but then I gobbled it anyway and it was still good. Would probably be heaven with ice cream. Even my disasters are amazing.
3/4 cake of cooking chocolate
Diced and scattered in. Is it a brownie? Is it a Cooke Time? WHO KNOWS. Mostly because these brownies disappear within the day, so you have no time to do further chocolatey scientific research. This one has earned a place in Mum’s recipes, the kind that have been handed down in the family. It’s such an honour to have my amazing brownie recipe next to “Winifred’s cranberry fruit loaf” (as in, Dad’s mum) and “Mum’s meatloaf” (as in, my granny!), as if I’m finally worthy of being counted in the family tree tree now.
Half a bag of those nomworthy glace cherries
For when you’re feeling indulgent. Especially when your childhood revered glace cherries as appropriate only for special occasions, and you had to sneak them when your mum was making a Christmas cake and you hoped she wasn’t watching. You know it’s true. These took a little longer to be eaten, but it might be because the novelty of being force-fed brownies has finally worn off for my parents. I STILL LOVE THESE THE MOSTEST.
Diced banana (I’m just wildly looking around my kitchen for stuff now)
…Plus some chocolate, because it’s not like adding chocolate could possibly make something worse, right? This super healthy brownie has the bonus of getting one of your 5+ a day if you eat the entire batch! I’m about to go to bed and thus lack the willpower to wait for the brownies to cool down (the melty chocolate also makes them ridiculously soft at this point), so I just spooned a glob of it onto a plate and can confirm that this is a good idea. Like chocolate banana muffins. In future would probably skip on the chocolate, but hey – this is science and as such scientific theories are prone to changing with new evidence is presented, such as my tastebuds’ experience just then.
STOP THE PRESSES: It’s the next day now and the above brownies are so soggy that I could be experiencing the most intense chocolate cravings and I still wouldn’t eat them. My dad has even gone back to eating Mallowpuffs instead of my baking. Woeee!
IN CONCLUSION
You might quite rightly be wondering why there are no photos of these pitiful experiments. This is because it’s impossible to make any of these look good. Just imagine brown goop. Unless it had cooking chocolate thrown at it, in which case imagine brown goop with more brown oozing out of it. QUALITY BAKING.
Psst, I used this recipe:
- 1 cup flour
- 1 cup sugar
- 1/4 cup cocoa
- 1/4 tsp salt
- 1 tsp vanilla essence (I recommend the stuff with the seeds because it makes you feel super fancy and I’m all over that.)
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 2 eggs (Make them free range or the souls of tormented cage chickens will haunt your brownies. Not tasty!)
- 125g butter (It must be exact or everything will be ruined… lol jk, but no rly.)
Bake at 180 degrees for about 35 minutes or until your brownie-loving intuition says it’s ready. Hurr!
After a month of silence, that is the answer to that question literally no one is asking: “What is that hobbit doing with all her free time??”.
Allow me to sing excuses about how my prescription for this past month has sucked. Not only did sertraline lack citalopram’s spontaneous bubbliness, it even sucked away the default sparkle that should come with even the most ordinary Becka. I was a listless zombie, enthusiastic about exactly nothing (apart from how fluffy my cat is, but you know). Fun fact: I should definitely see a doctor when I’m contemplating whether to delete this blog, as it means Bad Things are on their way… and last week was particularly bad.
I’m now on loxamine. I also have cute little melatonin pills to help me sleep. Still, I’m bracing myself in case loxamine craps out on me too, which is the reason for this post. As I’ve been in a state of “mreh” for the past month I don’t have much to say (suckers!), but I wanted to give a little update on what’s been happening. If I disappear again you can assume loxamine hasn’t worked either and I’m daydreaming again about throwing myself under a train. As it is, it’s day 3, I don’t feel as AMAZING!!!!! as I did yesterday and writing this post has taken all day because my brain feels like it’s falling around all over the place ad;lkaflkj. I keep trying to proof-read this post to see if it makes sense, but I juuuust can’t concentrate long enough. Hooray.
My cat has just turned up for snuggles, so I will leave you now. She’s sprawled out on the carpet next to me, purring… and then bites me when I try petting her, wut. That generally means she only wants you to pat her head, but not today apparently! DEATH BY CAT.
P.S. Thank you for the well-wishes a month back, my mysterious google-ninja!