Sick leave

Just as I was a few weeks ago, I’m in my homeland high on pills and getting better. There’s info on that at the end of this post because it’s less depressing that way (lol spoiler). In the meantime, things have been like this:

I am a baking god.

Baking is usually my little sister’s domain – super handy for the lazy fattie that is me. Alas, she’s not at home, so I was driven to trying it myself. Remember, last time I tried baking it ended in goopy chocolate chip cookies that tasted like popcorn (emphasis on the GOOP). This really isn’t my arena.

…And these are a garish shade of pink that are making my eyes bleed (not so bad in this photo, thanks to Photoshop), but it was part of a much-needed rebellion. Coloured icing is taboo in this household. I’ve always campaigned for it when people bake, only to be shot down. Homemade orange choc chip ice cream isn’t allowed to be dyed anything but orange, either. Do these people not realise how cool it’d be to be eating blue and tasting orange??

This is my new room.

Our new house will be finished in just over a month. Everyone always complains about how lazy builders are, but these guys are building an entire house in just six months (I thought it’d take a year, lolz). PEOPLE ARE GOING TO LIVE IN THIS, there is no rush. In the same amount of time I still haven’t been able to pick a paint colour for my room. Getting increasingly tempted to opt for glittery pink though, so someone needs to remind me that I’m 22 and not blonde enough to be Elle Woods.

All I know is that I want a cabinet to display my Lord of the Rings action figures (my youth was so rad). This would also give me an excuse to buy Altair and Ezio action figures too (shut uppppp). I will forever remain an eleven year old boy. Albeit one that challenges gender stereotypes with those pink walls, but still.

P.S. ~Someone~ will be relieved to know the wardrobe is inbuilt. You can see in the photo!

I’ve been studying Latin.

I can now study for more than an hour without getting tired, which is quite exciting when you’ve not been able to do that since March. Also my handwriting is atrocious, but I apologise for NOTHEEENG.

This is from Book 1 of Virgil’s Aeneid. It plagiarises the Odyssey as propaganda for Augustus, telling the origins of Rome: Aeneas escapes the fall of Troy to fulfil his great destiny of founding a city in Italy. His descendents would later continue this family tradition and found Rome. As his journey progresses he goes from being an selfish, impatient douche seeking glory (ala Greek heroes like Achilles and Odysseus) to a dutiful goody-good who actually thinks about the people around him (putting your country/gods/family before yourself is very Roman). Year 13 Classics, whoot!

My favourite part is when Aeneas’s comrades have been lost at sea for seven years after escaping the horrors of the Trojan war. They’ve just endured a storm where lots of ships have been crushed. Everyone is miserable and soggy and tired, so their inspiring noble leader Aeneas tries to comfort them by saying: ONE DAY WE’LL ALL LOOK BACK ON THIS AND LAUGH (“forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit“).

SUUUUUUUUREEEEEEEEEEEEE.

This cat has become a victim of my love.

The poor fluffy thing. We found her as a wee baby in a hedge in 1999. She has a broken meow-box and can only squeak – “EHHCK EEEEEKK” – unless there’s a special occasion, like announcing a caught bird, where she’ll manage a throaty warble that makes her sound like she’s drowning.

I spent hours with her yesterday, and keeping my parents updated on everything she was doing. There was a running commentary on her staring deep into a garden. What was she looking at? Is she about to pounce on something? WHAT IS GOING ON. It was quite anticlimatic when she decided that no, she wanted to go drink some milk.

Certainly I’m losing my mind. But in a totally different way this time.

On the state of my health

I have depression, hurr! ISN’T THIS UPLIFTING. It’s probably been around for about a year, just to make this news super cheery. But the medication’s working and every day I feel like I’ve just been accepted into Law all over again. A bubbly feeling inside my chest. While it didn’t take long for the CONSTANT MISERY part to vamoose (THIS POST IS SO MUCH FUN NOW), getting past the slump of not being able to do anything has taken a bit longer. I can now, however, do more without dreading how exhausted I’ll feel, or guessing how long it’ll take to recover. And I’d have to do this for things as simple as going to a lecture, cooking dinner, watching a movie with someone, or even just popping across the hall to visit a friend.

Some of my lecturers recommended withdrawing from this semester’s papers because I’ve missed so much work, and that’s what I’m doing. This means I’m going to be attempting Jurisprudence for a third time next year (HAHAHAHA), but I’m not worried cos I’m so delightfully medicated. Mmmm.

I’m taking on a lighter workload next semester – maybe two or three papers. I’m also going to do the things I’ve always wanted to but lacked the spoons for, which I think is quiiiite important for people seeking to be less crazy. I’m going to bake tons, learn piano, BE MORE SOCIAL (ffs), volunteer at places I’ve wanted to since last year (!), and I’m going to learn how to function normally again.

In short, my semester break has already started. Enjoy your exams! ;D

On how I’m such a grown-up

This is a draft I found from late last year, and I can’t resist posting it – though you can probably guess why I held off back then. ;D What was I on??

I am so super mature now that I’ve been living alone and fending for myself. Going out and hunting/gathering my own food means I pretty much live on bagels now (COOKING IS FOR THE WEAK). Still, this year I’ve learned many wise things, like when the pineapple rings are all gone and the can is woefully empty. Being by yourself means there’s no battle against anyone to DRINK THE SYRUP. SO GOOD. SO LIBERATING.

Okay so like. Obviously I am beyond disgusting. But you know how when you go baking and you finally ice the cake and you get to lick the bowl/spatula? IT’S THE BEST PART. I had the brilliant idea that is to skip the baking part. Just eat the icing. CHOCOLATE ICING. ON A SPOON. Also no one is there to tell me not to. Or to look at me with an appalled expression. The “Becka I am so disappointed in your eating habits” look.

Also when you buy it, instead of chocolate, you don’t worry that people are judging you. That they think you sit at your computer watching Top Gear, binging on chocolate and congratulating yourself for such an excellent dinner. No, they’ll just think: OH SHE MUST LIKE BAKING. Suckers.

This also led me to the conclusion that drinking sweetened condensed milk might be a good thing. But it’s not. It’s really not. I don’t even know why I’d even think to do that, since eating chocolate icing straight makes me woozy and jittery (HELP ME I’M DYINGG).

At one point this year I also discovered that when you buy a box of Paddle Pops you can totally eat more than one. THERE IS NO ONE TO TELL YOU NOT TO. Although, on second thoughts, if I tried that at home my dad would congratulate me despite my IMMINENT DIABETES. I also discovered that my freezer was not quite cold enough for ice cream, so that didn’t really work out either. Ever eaten 8 paddle pops in one night? I have!

SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY I’M SO OUTRAGEOUSLY FAT. NOW I KIND OF KNOW.

In which I have to repeat Jurisprudence a third time. LOL JK.

I vote we all send a petition to my sanity insisting that it pulls itself together, because goddamn.

So I visited my doctor today, and left with a medical certificate and a prescription for ~pills~. They’re also taking my blood tomorrow in case it’s not a lack of serotonin which is destroying me, but a busted thyroid or a possible sixteen other things.

Good things about this:

• My mid-semester holidays have been extended for at least another two weeks. I BET YOU ARE ALL SO JEALOUS Y/N.
• Being incapable of doing anything beyond sitting and clicking buttons, I’ve been able to whip through Assassin’s Creed 2 pretty quickly. What’s with the skeezy facial hair, Ezio?
• After blood tests tomorrow I’m having Subway. CONTINUE BEING JEALOUS, or buy some at 2ish and we can have a sweet telepathic Subway party together.

Not so great:

• I have milk in my fridge that expires on the 10th, and my doctor has forbidden me from Dunedin until the 16th at the earliest. FRIGGGGG.

Despite a “pre-emptive withdrawal” sign the university has apparently put next to my name, I’m not dropping any papers – no one deserves to endure Jurisprudence a third time! I am, however, shuffling a few things around for next semester. This’ll make it easier to catch up on the six weeks of Evidence I’ll have missed by that point. As it is, there are 500 pages I have yet to read for that paper.

Ah ha, oh man.

If anyone bursting with love wants to help, just sending an email to say hi would be magical considering how isolated I’ve been for the last couple of months. And if, in the future, anyone notices that I’m not blogging so much (say, at most once every two weeks, and even then there are more photos than words), please nag me: “You’re not blogging, MAKE SURE YOU ARE OKAY, OKAY.” A sane Becka is very win-win when it comes to this blog.

And with that, I love you guys. Stay cool.