It’s been about a year since I let real live people visit my blog. Or tolerated, at any rate.
I often see discussions about whether bloggers let friends know their URL. It’s like we universally worry about the same things. That we might casually mention something in passing and seriously offend someone. That striving to avoid that happening will make us censor ourselves… Whiny blogs are serious business.
It’s easy to say “don’t say anything you wouldn’t tell someone in real life”, but it’s completely different when you’re mainly broadcasting stuff to people who will never meet you. If I were to think “Would I tell [DISTANT ACQUAINTANCE] this?” before hitting ‘publish’, I’d write nothing at all.
In high school I decided I didn’t want friends anymore, and hid all my sites. I maintained a nice little distance from most people until St Margaret’s happened. But the blog stayed hidden. …Until some guy found out about it (I DIDN’T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS STAYING UP TIL 5AM WATCHING PORN OKAY). He googled too hard, and he found me. My hands were shaking so badly, while this guy was so frigginnnn excited that he didn’t understand the absolute terror I was experiencing. ;_;
Despite how cleverly you’ve hidden your blog, you’re taking a risk with everything you publish something online. No one’s doing anything wrong by visiting. I always knew this. It had happened before a few years earlier and my hands had reacted in the same, trembling way (but also quickly deleted my sites and started over).
In hindsight, last year was good timing. A sappy exercise in “trusting people” (HURRRR THAT IS SO LAME SHUT UPPP). Those things that bloggers worry about, I then had to face:
- People realising what a loser I am.
Instead, I think I’ve become better friends with some people because of this blog. Why do you people like me, why. At first you’re wary about compliments. Then you try ignoring them. Then you can ignore them. Then you let yourself listen to them. It’s really really really bizarre getting complimented on something you thought embarrassing for so many years.
- Offending people.
Something I’d posted meant a friendship I’d decided not to hang on to ended like a HORRIFIC PLANE CRASH with lots of mangled limbs and skin grafts and I had a limp for a while. Essentially, I’ve dealt with the worst that could happen from upsetting someone, blog-wise. I’m obviously not about to passively aggressively write about people now (lolzors, and it only happened once) – the audience has changed. Anything else, and they’re probably overreacting.
- That it might affect what I wrote.
It did. For about a month. Maybe two. Then I stopped caring, because I’m a pirate. I still don’t blog for comments/attention, and I’d still blog even if no one visited at all.
In the most cliche of ways, this blog’s shown me I know decent people (soz for the doubt, it wasn’t personal). It’s nice that even though I’m such a loser people still like me. Thanks for not disowning me, gaiz! 
I had gorgeous birthday cakes as a kid. Sleeping dragons and cats and horses. This year Mum made one that was miles (kilometres?) better than anything else she’d ever done. We stared at it for ages, completely floored.
I was so stunned that for several minutes I didn’t realise she’d made it as a belated birthday cake. Then I ran for my camera, because it’s my goal to make the entire world envious of my family.
And as you can see from the marked dining table, we live in luxury.
I think the tomato slices are most incredible: they’re made from melted hard lollies, with pieces of other lollies added to make the seeds. You can’t even see that unless you pull the cake apart – that’s how much detail there is to this cake.
It’s in the cupboard right now. Wrapped in gladwrap. Every so often I sneak out to the kitchen and stare at it. And as I do. For half an hour at a time. People take courses for skillz like these. She’s just done it twice a year for our birthdays and she’s a pro. I can’t even put a sandwich together without it exploding.
Because I am in a state of euphoria, and Chris nags me in the most flattering of ways. The two are not related.
No more exams
I had the grueling timetable that was two (THE HORROR) that weren’t until virtually the end of the exam period. This lead to many weeks of sleeping in, bumming around, and much chocolate. It was awful.
Pagan’s Daughter
There’s a series by Catherine Jinks, starting with Pagan’s Crusade, which have been my favourite books for almost a decade. I remember huddling up on my bedroom floor reading the end of Pagan’s Vows, bawling. Good times.
It’s not an ~intellectual~ read where you feel your brain straining to make sense of it all. I do have excellent taste in books nonetheless (SO THERE). They’re both the funniest and saddest things I’ve ever read. They’re easy to read, well written, witty, and THE CHARACTERS ARE BEYOND AWESOME. If you don’t like them, you are dead to me.
I’ve just discovered a fifth book has been published (quite randomly, too). I am so excited, I’m ordering it right now. I’M TWELEVE YEARS OLD AGAAAAAAAIN.
Tomorrow When The War Began: the movie
LOL JK, it’s making me rage already. When I heard about it my first thought was “THIS NEEDED TO HAPPEN AGES AGO“, but alas, my imagination is better than the movie trailer. And Ellie looks like she grew up in the city. Why am I so offended.
AMANDA FUCKING PALMER
She’s releasing an album of Radiohead covers, and I constantly crave new music from her. Idioteque is my favourite song right now (with Astronaut being my favourite song of ever). You can’t call ukeleles dinky plastic-sounding instruments after hearing it. You can’t.
Continuing the music lovin’: Ben Folds releasing a new album this year makes me happy too, as does Janelle Monae.
Other things that make me happy
- The pizza at Ratbags. Every so often I burp, and even now it’s so delicious.
- Going over a friend’s Chemistry exam, and asking CAN WOOD TURN INTO LIQUID (I think I am soooo funny coz i r artz student).
- This FIFA World Cup thingy. I keep calling it soccer (ACCIDENTALLY, GOSH). It’s apparently a non-stop show of wiener kids falling over and getting offended. And when they finally score, they’re not even allowed to complete their theatrics with a shirtless backflip anymore? WHAT GIVES.
But I love how excited New Zealand is. Can we be like this all the time?
- Work. If you are smart enough you’ll know where this is, but I’m not going to blog about it for fear of a dooce-ing. I just want to say that it’s awesome. Will they fire me for that? WE WILL SOON SEE.
- Discovering how widely rumours have spread.
- That it’s obvious I haven’t bothered editing this blog post because it’s still riddled with caps lock.
OH MY GOD MY MUM JUST TEXTED TO SAY ORLANDO BLOOM IS ENGAGED. MY DAY LIFE IS RUINED. BRB, CRYING INTO MY PILLOW.
