“An enemy wizard is approaching your altar!!”

I don’t play computer games, mostly because I’m acutely aware of how obsessed I get. It’s definitely best I stay away from that arena, lest I join the list of the brave who played WoW until they collapsed. I made an exception for Sacrifice. A good chunk of my summer was spent playing this game – hours went by without me noticing.

This game, by Shiny Entertainment in 2000, is where you play a guy. Eldred. Armed with an tragic past, he visits the realm of the gods to find a new home. The gods take a liking to him, and let him choose one and complete a task for them. As a wizard, you command your own army; summoning creatures and spells. Which god you play for affects which spells and creatures are available to you. That’s how it starts, until an old man hobbles in with a prophecy. Gods get riled up. War breaks out.

You’re in the midst of gods vying to kill each other. You do what your chosen god tells you to do, invade the empires of other gods and take out other wizards. It’s also fairly funny, despite the main character and epic plotline. I don’t even know how to describe it briefly without thinking I’m not doing the game any justice.

Eldred has a voice like a sex offender’s, especially when he says “Now… where was I? Ah, yes…”. I love how when you die and have to start the level over, he says, “…Of course that’s not what really happened, let me start again” (that never happens to me, by the way). As if, grim as Eldred is, while telling his story he got completely carried in making something up. Never mind that the world is falling apart around him.

I love how I didn’t notice until now that voice actor of The Hunchback of Notre Dame‘s Frollo is there, as well as Tim Curry, who played Nigel off The Wild Thornberries, as Stratos the god of air (his character design is my favourite with his bobbly balloon head). Whoever played Squidward from Spongebob is surely Gammel, too!

Mostly I think it’s odd how my conscience nags at me when I play for either Charnel or Pyro (the supposedly naughty gods). Half of me thinks, “IT’S JUST A GAME, THIS SHOULD BE FUNNY. YOU KILLED SEALS FOR KICKS IN THAT OTHER GAME – THAT WAS PRETTY SWEET”, whereas my conscience pleads, “BUT, BUT – THE PEASANTS!!!”. I do get sad when my manahoars are killed though, they feel like my pets with how they follow me around. So cuuute~

Yelling at your creatures to “STOP DYING!!!!” doesn’t work. Nor does, “I TOLD YOU MOVE OVER THERE, OF COURSE YOU’RE DYING – YOU’RE NOT DOING WHAT I TOLD YOU!!!!”. Fact: I have no idea how people play these games without screaming. I haven’t played in Dunedin because I can’t win unless I’m bellowing abuse at my creatures. Right now I’m at home, so I can get away with it.

This post has also demonstrated the following:

1. This site’s entirely for my own entertainment.
2. Explained the number of hits I get (very few people play this game, and therefore I decide to write something about it? A+).

The Valentine’s day special

I am so stuck for ideas that I have to exploit this holiday as much as any other tacky enterprise, whoot.

“Why are you single?”

This was sprung on me not too long ago; how do you answer that? At the time I think I stammered something and clawed around for a change of topic. Later I thought about it:

• I’m not often interested in people.
• People are not often interested in me. Lecturers are so unobtainable.

Simple enough, though I oddly had to think hard for it. The main reason’s harder to put into words but I’ll do it anyway: I don’t even care about this sort of thing. The surrounding drama and gossip’s entertaining (people are so interesting!), but I don’t have any motivation or desire for anything more. And secretly – though not anymore – the whole idea’s terrifying lolz.

Relationships end. Unless they don’t, which I think is cool and I secretly cheer on those couples. Getting into a relationship knowing it’s doomed is a waste of time, but you’re a fool if you start off thinking it’ll only end happily. I’m bewildered people risk it anyway, over and over again, just to see what happens, just in case. In the least bitter, cynical way ever, I kinnnnda really don’t see the point.

…or maybe I’m too picky

Because, idk bro. I made this list like I was going shopping for a computer.

• They must like cats.
• They must be good at writing. You must be good at texting decent replies. You must know where to put an apostrophe. You must write without cliches.
• They cannot study Law. They’ll be more interesting and less of a threat (lolz).
• They cannot have previously dated any of my friends. In high school all my friends dated the same guy, several times over. Me, I’m classy.
• Have a good memory!
• They must be unintentionally funny, thus allowing me to laugh to myself at what a loser they are.
• I’ve never really liked blonds, exception being Legolas. I’m blushing now. Fun fact: my first site was a Legolas fansite, which I started in 2002 (I also collected all the Lord of the Rings action figures, so yes, I have always been this cool).
• They have to be pretty chill knowing I’m not and will never be religious, and especially not for them.
• I can’t stand people who are against gay marriage, etc. Why aren’t you creatures extinct yet.
• They can’t have wonky teeth. It’s distracting.

Pretty much, I just think of an 1337 flatmate. Similar morals. Interesting.

Unlike other cynical singles, I don’t mind this holiday (really!). Sometimes the chocolates and flowers ask me to consider changing my mind, but it’s probably because I like pink a little too much! Occasionally I use use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to buy stuff for friends, and I love that it’s another day for people to realise they have a few reasons to be positive. I hope people think of it like that, anyway. Little paper hearts all ’round~