Bambi sucked

…To put it simply.

When I was little, I had a book about Bambi. I’d trace the pictures and stick them on cardboard and play with them. I was pretty cool like that. Until last night though, I’d never watched it. My hall is kinda good in that there are lots of Disney fans, and they hook me up with the good stuff.

So since the movie started started, I hoped the movie would get better. Tried making myself think it’s not that bad.

Nah. Sucked.

It starts off by blatantly ripping off the Lion King, and continues to do so for the rest of the movie. It was ruthless. When I was watching Bambi for the second time that night (but this time with friends, so I could laugh at it), I said, “It’s a pity Disney can’t sue itself”, which was very witty of me.

Then the characters were so flimsy, and not one of them had a soul. I cringed a lot when people talked, the script was so stilted. What’s with Bambi’s parents? They act like the prince of the forest is so wise and amazing, but you know he just drunkenly hooked up with Bambi’s mum one night. Their relationship looked about as meaningful.

And if anyone ever had a laugh like Bambi’s girlfriend’s, who then thought it’d be cute to lick me, there’d be no way I’d like them. Actually, all the girls in Bambi? They were such flirts, no good for any of them. I’ll point out how at the end of the movie Thumper and co were surrounded by baby versions of themselves – the mothers nowhere in sight. Tsk tsk.

Before watching this movie I’d listened to people discussing “What’s sadder? Mufasa dying, or Bambi’s mum dying?“, as if they could actually be compared. Bambi’s mum dying was nothing. Bambi looked pretty worried – but that’s nothing new – and then his dad came out of nowhere (as is his way), so I laughed pretty hard. He says something vague, and then Bambi just understands and cries. Never mind that Bambi struggles to understand the most basic concepts, let alone something like death. Pfft.

I … don’t know how anyone could find that sad.

I can appreciate what Bambi was trying to do artistically. Okay, that’s a lie – but I can acknowledge it at any rate. And I guess hundreds of years ago (when Bambi first came out, of course) this would have been considered a decent movie. I think they had low standards though. I’m just saying.