How to not be an annoying couple

More brilliant advice from the one who’s (right now) putting off studying for a Japanese test.

DON’T:

LOOK LIKE ZOMBIES

It’s annoying. Look alive, people!
          I’ve noticed this oddity where couples have this odd glazed look on their faces (especially with the one that currently annoys me the most). I don’t know – is that what passion looks like? Cos I’ll like you two more if you’re laughing.

SPEND ALL YOUR TIME TOGETHER

Clingy people in general annoy me. It’s especially noticable when you’re being all couply all the time. Don’t be afraid of having some independence or being able to think for yourself. Have some pride.
          You (hopefully) have other friends. They miss you.

Also you’ll spend so much time together that you’ll probably wind up bored of each other, break up, and then realise that your friends hate you for going back to them only now. They may not seem like it, but they do. They totally hate you.

DO:

KEEP THE PHOTOS TO A MINIMUM

It’s really really really creepy going in someone’s room which is decorated with nothing but pictures of their S.O. I know once my room was absolutely covered with posters of no one else but Orlando Bloom, but that’s different, haha. Also I was fourteen.

HOOK UP ALL THE TIME

I may have exaggerated, but I don’t actually mind the hand-holding and the public displays of affection. I know the rest of the world pretty much hates it though. But as long as you’re still wearing clothes and aren’t having to breathe too heavily, you won’t disturb me too much.

The flatmates

One day … possibly next year… I have to leave my dear wee hall of residence, and venture out into The Real World. This is far too scary, of course, so I’ll only do it if I have flatmates exactly like this:

1. Can’t be a musician. They need to practise their ungodly music, and I don’t want to have to endure someone playing a violin all the time. Owwww.
             Exception: if they play drums.
2. Continuing on the theme of music. Must be able to appreciate that which is KYO SCREAMINNGGG. At home, I play Dir en grey’s Marrow of a Bone really loud on my stereo. It’s calming, what.
3. Be a brilliant cook. If left by myself, I’ll cook the same thing for every meal… every day… until a few months later when I get bored of it and think of something else that I like eating all the time.
   I’m rather good at cleaning, by the way – well, compared to the people on my floor anyway.
4. Not be an idiot. But still, I don’t want someone who’s annoyingly good at everything. Cos then. Pencil in the eye when they’re sleeping.
             …OOOH I DIDN’T SAY THAT.

5. Bonus if they study what I do. I like the sharing of angst and notes (especially when I’m lazy and skip lectures, oh hahah).
6. …Just not Japanese, because they tend to be way obsessed with Japan. Before you know it, that’s all they ever talk about because OMG COMMON INTERESTS RITE???
7. Be super cute and adorable. Awwww.

It sounds like a personals ad, or something – but that list would look totally different. ;D
          …Also I’m doomed and actually even if people like the above exist I still don’t want to flat next year. Woe.