Your clothes are ugly

No, really. They are.

….Gumboots. They’re plasticy, ugly things, with no style about them. Not all boots! Just the plain, boring, shiny plain ones. They look particularly ugly if you are the kind who shouldn’t wear skinny jeans – you know who you are. You convince yourself you can get away with it everytime you try them on. Speaking of which…

Skinny jeans. Because guys can never pull them off. Especially with the crotch down really low. Am I gangster? Am I metro? I can’t decide! And then you’re either way too huge for them and you look all out of balance, or you’re way too skinny for them and your spindly legs scare the hell out of me.

Puffer jackets. I’m tired of seeing people wearing them, and I’m no longer convinced people are wearing them because they’re warm. It’s like walking through a crowd of many moving stacks of tyres. And by the way, they make you look huge. All of you.

Tights. They’re not meant to be a substitute for pants, you guys. And to the girl with the manky hair who thinks it’s acceptable to turn up to a LAWS101 lecture wearing a jacket and just tights? Ewwwww. You can’t trick us into thinking they’re leggings either (since the 80s were just, uh, awesome…) when they’re not even fully opaque. Especially around your thighs. Oh my god.

And don’t get me started on the new “I wish I was a lumberjack” trend. Euuggghhh. Fashion, stop doing this to me.